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She
thought I was joking but I wasn't - really - I would do it, I promise
I would live up to my word that'd show her good, eat your heart out
Huck Finn, I'd be dead in a whisper. To see what she would do then.
That would be good and I bet I bet she wouldn't bat an eye there would
not even be a sliver of panic or worry more (relief) and finally they
could honestly play Happy Families rather than Rickety Kate... I wonder
I live to wonder how long it took them to realise they'd drawn THAT
card, the black sheep, the nigger from the bargain bin was always going
to be me, it was just, I ended up here. I feel almost pity the way their
lives sank when I appeared in the blazing anti-climax glory only to...
what RIGHT had I to disappoint like that? Taint the lives of these poor
people... I should have been born to the Ansett man, Bill Gates, Kerry
Packer - all had their fill and could afford to throw me at padded walls...
these people, so poor its patheticness reeks through their clothing...
what a blow to them. What can I even say? They are stuck with the shadow
of the problem child forever and will NEVER understand why this should
happen to them of all people so they sate their need for nice normal
in the two other princesses but there will not be an excuse in all INFINITY
for not loving me there is nothing they can say ever to make this better.
They do not WANT me and that is all there is to it, that is all it boils
down to and the only absolute no doubt in my mind that it would be better
should I leave they hate my whole existence what more can I do? I don't
even do all that much wrong, I mean really am I not the ideal non-biere
non-drogue jeune, give or take a few oddities? I know there is no ignoring
the fact that I am employee X and it is my job to be the defect, the
reject but don't elephant men deserve their share of hugs? They think
love is all paying for school trips and washing dirty undies they could
not be more mistaken but there's no telling adults is there, no getting
the love I need and that is true suffering on earth
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